in case you didn't know

ryan and i are essentially the same girl. its pretty funny. this picture just illustrates my point. this is us this morning....yeah. kinda crazy.

some pictures from the week

laying it all out.

i'm still loaded down. after trying most everything i still feel like i'm sinking in this ocean i didn't know existed. so i'm going to just run through what i'm feeling, maybe being totally straightforward about it will help. it's worth a try, right?

Amy Jo is....

CoNfUsEd?
i have no clue...whatsoever...what i'm doing with my life. i can't decide on a major and i don't know where i'll be next year. i like Provo but i don't have that feeling that i'm supposed to be here. my dad called me "flitty" today, but really, maybe i'm just...

scared.
the idea that my decisions now are going to affect my LIFE and that every semester of school i go through is costing me thousands of dollars... its terrifying. i'm afraid of going about this whole "adult" thing wrong. i'm scared i'm going to miss an opportunity. and i worry about it, which makes me...

TireD
i haven't been on a normal sleep schedule in months. i lay in bed and think, sometimes i cry, sometimes i'm happy, it just depends on the day. i try to picture where i'm going. i try to see if i'm making myself happy. if i'm doing what i'm supposed to. when i lay all night thinking it leads to me being slightly...

iRRitable
i feel bad, but in all honestly, i've been a beast lately. i'm on edge and everything frustrates me. luckily, i haven't taken it out on anyone but myself, but that still isn't good. i've started to break myself down with every passing day. telling myself that i'm not good enough or that i can't do everything that i have planned. i'm hurting myself by doing this. so i've been pretty...

sad.
all of this is just making me overall a very unhappy person. i don't want to be though. i love being happy and feeling genuinely good about myself. but the events in my life as of late haven't exactly been of the joyous sort. but through it all, i have to remind myself that i am extremely...

bLessEd
i have so many blessings that i overlook everyday. i have a family that loves me. a dad that still helps me get through the day. a little sister that knows exactly what to write to me in her letters. a big sister that is constantly reminding me that i CAN do it. i'm at an amazing university. i have endless possibilities of what i can do with my life. i have roommates that stick by me even when i'm grumpy. i have the chance to serve in my ward with amazing girls. i get to look at the mountains and the changing leaves every day and see the world go through its natural stages of beauty. i have friends that still call and text to see how i'm doing. i have the gospel in my life. which always manifests that i am...

A PrincesS
i literally am a daughter of my Heavenly Father. he loves me so much and i know he cares for me. individually. he listens to me when i pray and he lifts my burdens. he worries about what i worry about and cries when i cry. he notices every tear and every sigh. even when i try to tell myself i can do it "by myself" i know that the Lord is helping me. he really does love me. every bit of me. the rebellious part. the goofy part. the sad part. i know that through this trying time in my life, he is there. all i need to do is ask.

so yeah, i'm gonna blubber....

today in relief society we had a lesson on keeping in touch with our families. and it made me a little sentimental.... i love it here but i miss being home too, watching all the little ones that aren't even little anymore grow up. when i talk to them on the phone i get all sad cause i realize that i'm not there for any of this important stuff in their lives. so i just want them to know that i love them and i think about them ALL the time. so alicia, when you read this, spread the word. also to blubber about... tonight i headed out to craig and cori's house. i love them so stinkin much. it was ethans first birthday so i got to go out for the dinner and celebrations =] it is sooooo nice to be able to just drive out there and relax. when i'm there i can just talk to craig and cori about all my frustrations and they understand every single bit of it. they reassure me that i'm ok and that i'm not abnormal for having this totally confused feeling. tonight craig also gave me a blessing. i'm so lucky that i have him so close by. i have been loaded down with all my worries and stresses and i was honestly getting to the point where i wasn't sure i could handle it anymore. so thank you to craig, he saved the day. =] i love you both so much and i'm blessed to have such amazing family and a wonderful cousin worthy of his priesthood for times like this. i needed it.

oh the studying.

what do you get when you mix 2 eighteen year old girls, a couple rockstar energy drinks, and a bunch of american heritage notes? yep. one amazing cram session. i'm running on approximately 5 hours of sleep from tuesday night. =] but hey, the good news is that ryan and i both passed our american heritage midterms. be proud.

a very good waste of 10 bucks....

so ever since i moved out i've been a little more aware of where my money is going and i've been trying my very hardest to cut out non-essentials. BUT i could not resist when the new anberlin cd came out...i hopped right onto itunes and bought it. and i'm completely satisfied. i LOVE anberlin. they are my favorite band everrrrr. so if you're looking for something to spend 10 bucks on, i'd highly suggest it. =]