laying it all out.

i'm still loaded down. after trying most everything i still feel like i'm sinking in this ocean i didn't know existed. so i'm going to just run through what i'm feeling, maybe being totally straightforward about it will help. it's worth a try, right?

Amy Jo is....

CoNfUsEd?
i have no clue...whatsoever...what i'm doing with my life. i can't decide on a major and i don't know where i'll be next year. i like Provo but i don't have that feeling that i'm supposed to be here. my dad called me "flitty" today, but really, maybe i'm just...

scared.
the idea that my decisions now are going to affect my LIFE and that every semester of school i go through is costing me thousands of dollars... its terrifying. i'm afraid of going about this whole "adult" thing wrong. i'm scared i'm going to miss an opportunity. and i worry about it, which makes me...

TireD
i haven't been on a normal sleep schedule in months. i lay in bed and think, sometimes i cry, sometimes i'm happy, it just depends on the day. i try to picture where i'm going. i try to see if i'm making myself happy. if i'm doing what i'm supposed to. when i lay all night thinking it leads to me being slightly...

iRRitable
i feel bad, but in all honestly, i've been a beast lately. i'm on edge and everything frustrates me. luckily, i haven't taken it out on anyone but myself, but that still isn't good. i've started to break myself down with every passing day. telling myself that i'm not good enough or that i can't do everything that i have planned. i'm hurting myself by doing this. so i've been pretty...

sad.
all of this is just making me overall a very unhappy person. i don't want to be though. i love being happy and feeling genuinely good about myself. but the events in my life as of late haven't exactly been of the joyous sort. but through it all, i have to remind myself that i am extremely...

bLessEd
i have so many blessings that i overlook everyday. i have a family that loves me. a dad that still helps me get through the day. a little sister that knows exactly what to write to me in her letters. a big sister that is constantly reminding me that i CAN do it. i'm at an amazing university. i have endless possibilities of what i can do with my life. i have roommates that stick by me even when i'm grumpy. i have the chance to serve in my ward with amazing girls. i get to look at the mountains and the changing leaves every day and see the world go through its natural stages of beauty. i have friends that still call and text to see how i'm doing. i have the gospel in my life. which always manifests that i am...

A PrincesS
i literally am a daughter of my Heavenly Father. he loves me so much and i know he cares for me. individually. he listens to me when i pray and he lifts my burdens. he worries about what i worry about and cries when i cry. he notices every tear and every sigh. even when i try to tell myself i can do it "by myself" i know that the Lord is helping me. he really does love me. every bit of me. the rebellious part. the goofy part. the sad part. i know that through this trying time in my life, he is there. all i need to do is ask.